#8. Caribbean Dinner

Yesterday (April 2nd) my wonderful girlfriend invited me to Easter Dinner with her delightful family, so she could show me off like some freak in a circus. I love that gorgeous woman to death, but I'm convinced she just keeps me around for amusement, like a pet monkey. Or, you know, the awesome sex:

[Like this]

It was totally worth the familial embarrassment though (at least for me). I was treated to an awesome, full-deck dinner. There were plenty of foods I've never tried before, at least consciously, because I also suspect the woman has been feeding me in my sleep. It's the only explanation as to why I'm so darn fat. And why I wake up with a mouthful of broccoli.

Anyways, there were so many foods that I know I'm forgetting a few, but here's a short list: some cornmeal cake thing, cassava, plantains, taro, ginger crab, breaded shark, some green sauce made from taro leaves I think, soylent green is people, rice, and other delicacies you'd usually only see on TV, with big name stars like Rachael Ray or Gordon Ramsey. I actually stopped talking for a full half hour while inhaling all the food - a rare feat, since my mouth is usually as active as Lance Armstrong on the Tour de France. I'm pretty sure that for a moment, I briefly lost my mind, because when I came to, my mouth was stuffed with bread and I am almost positive there was no bread at the table.

Dessert was doubly ridiculous. I'm starting to feel like Hansel since my girlfriend is force-feeding me snacks to plump me up. I don't know what her motives are, but I twitch every time she turns on the oven. I know she loves me, but whether she loves me for my charming personality, or whether or not I'd make a delightful roast, remains to be seen.