#35. Wired for Fun

Backdated Friday.

I wired together an entertainment system today.

My friend recently moved into my student house, and with him, he brought a literal truckload of electronics. The Xbox is wired to the TV which is wired to a media center, which is wired to speakers, which is linked to a BlueRay player, linked to an HD-DVD player, which is connected to a Windows server, etc etc. It is very complicated:

[Now, where was the red wire supposed to go?]

We even have speakers in our bathroom. They're remotely connected to the media server so I can play music while I poop. It's all very exciting.

Anyways, I helped set it up. The speakers had to be mounted on the walls. My friend is fancier than me so we used screws and drills instead of duct tape and push pins, like I suggested:

[This isn't my child; I found it on the internets.]

It makes our living room look a lot nicer. I can finally pretend to live the life I've always dreamed about - a sensitive, artistic college student who listens to Beethoven while taking a crap.

#34. Oscilloscope Dismantling

Backdated Thursday.

This is a modern-day oscilloscope:

[No, it's not a fish finder.]

This is what they used to look like:

[Also not a fish finder.]

Guess which one I decided to disassemble?

I have an addiction to taking apart technology, especially technology that looks particularly difficult to move/disassemble/look at for long periods of time. It's partly being an engineering student, but also because I find it fun to sit in the sun and unscrew bolts. Don't ask what's wrong with me. There are enough Chinese kids in sweatshops as it is, it may be genetic.

So I ended up dismantling the entire thing. The end result was something like this:

[Might be a fish finder.]

#33. No Noobs

Backdated Wednesday.

So we have this little event in our faculty called 'No Noobs'. I'm not really allowed to say anything about it, expect that it involves copious amounts of drunken belligerence.

Anyways, it was a good time. I think I've done my penance.

#32. Rock Band

Backdated Tuesday

I met up with some friends from elementary school. Yeah, while other people are getting on with their lives and looking for jobs, I'm hanging out with the people I use to play Pokemon cards with (and still do).

We ended up playing Rock Band. For those of you who've been living in a cave for the past few years, it's a video game where you play pale imitations of real musical instruments in order to feel as if you have a modicum of talent. Ever see four grown men playing plastic drums and clicking buttons on a plastic guitar? It's a pretty sad sight.

Anyways, someone decided to play the hardest song on the hardest difficulty level, and I ended up with the microphone. For those of you that don't know me, I do play guitar and I do sing along, but in no way am I a talented songbird. Surprisingly enough, we made it through the song (after ten tries).

So chalk one up for finishing a panic attack Rock Band song. In no way does this indicate my real-life ability to sing, so don't expect it out of me.

#31. Sibling Levity

Backdated Monday.

My sister finished her exams, and I took her to a bar.

No pictures, because I'm sure my mother checks this blog, even if she pretends she's not interested in my life. Yes mom, I know locking me in the basement for my formative years was for my own good. No, I'm sure I turned out okay.

Anyways, my little sister, bless her, just finished her first year at university, without ever going to a bar. Imagine you're in first year and your wise, extremely cool older brother asks you to hang out with him - and you turn him down. Sometimes I wonder if my mom locked the wrong one of us up.

I took her to a quiet bar and was entirely responsible in the sense that I bought her a few drinks and let her sing 'Don't Stop Believing' all the way home at the top of her lungs.

#30. Gunblade

Backdated Sunday.

I went to see 'The Losers' in theatres. This isn't a movie critic's blog, so I'm not going to pass judgement on it. But if you like watching children get blown up, then I suggest you buy a ticket right now.

My date and I arrived early because we're indecisive and can only pick a movie to watch while standing in the lineup. We had some time to kill, so I let her use a helicopter gunship to shoot lots of missile-wielding robots:

[I made her stop after she started humming 'Ride of the Valkyries.' Plus we ran out of tokens.)

#29. Hose Repair

Backdated last Saturday (wow!)

Today I fixed a garden hose hanger using nothing but ingenuity and elbow grease. Seriously. this thing was in like, twenty tiny shards of plastic:

[Okay, not this bad.]

Anyways, I used duct tape, superglue, krazy glue, glue gun glue, screws and washers, and managed to cobble it back together. I don't have a picture of the finished product but this'll do:

[Hurrrrrgh.]

#28. The Moonside

Backdated Friday.

I finished my exams today - so new thing #1 is finishing my fourth year at university. Man, I hope I'm not getting stalked, because I think you guys have enough information now to find out where I live, the names of my family members, my favourite pair of underwear...

After exams, I ended up - no, not at a bar - but at Best Buy, where I turned in my laptop for the second time in two weeks. The stupid thing keeps coming back more broken than before, and since this is only the second repair, you can tell I am irritated to the point of not making much sense. I have a friend who happens to be the Geek Squad supervisor, so obviously I ragged on what a crappy product his store has provided me with. He also happens to be my sparring partner in martial arts, so I guess it was fortunate he was working and thus not permitted to kick in my head. You know, store policy and all.

The real fun started that night. I decided to drive downtown, about half an hour's ride away, to watch another friend play open-mike at The Moonside. He rents an apartment upstairs from angry Portuguese people, but I've never gone to visit, but hey, I was finished with exams, and I felt like listening to some European domestic violence. By that, I don't know if I mean the angry couple or the music.

I'll admit I got lost on the way. I ended up driving the wrong direction for 20 minutes before hitting the end of the highway. Mark that up as another, unexpected new thing: driving to the literal dead-end of a highway. Pretty terrifying when you're going 100kph and then suddenly rumble strips start smacking your head into the ceiling.

[FREEBIRD!]

I made it, eventually. The Moonside is a quiet bar, tended by a nice asian lady. The bar was nearly empty when we arrived, my friend lugging his guitar and some equipment, while I carried his amp like a serious roadie. While he set up, I ordered a pitcher of beer and sat down. That's when I noticed what I was drinking was not regular beer. It was cool beer.

[It tasted pretty normal though.]

The real highlights of the night started when an older African gentleman walked in. He had a heavy accent, and began drinking a storm. During the set, I would randomly turn around at some loud noise he would make, only describable as some sort of agitated yelping I assumed was singing. Eventually, to my chagrin and regret, he stumbled over and sat down across from me.

I couldn't understand him at first, because everything he said came packaged in an African brogue, and was accompanied by a literal spray of spit that erupted from his jowls like Pompeii. I pieced together parts of his conversation after my face was throughly drenched in what was probably AIDS or something. Sorry, that was inappropriate. Maybe it was malaria.

Anyways, he was talking about being an international crook - or cook. I honestly could not tell. In addition, he was describing some sort of religious rapture he had experienced. I could only assume, because he was shouting "Jesus!" repeatedly while swatting the air. I turned around at various points to find the female bartender glaring at the man like she was trying to pierce him with her laser vision.

It took ages for him to leave. He kept standing near my friend, who was performing, and swaying, then clumsily complimenting him on his singing or the music or his haircut or something. Eventually, he staggered out, upon which everyone gave a huge sigh of relief. But what came next was even worse.

This man walked in, dressed in leather and tight jeans. He looked like Richard Simmons with the sawn-off scalp of Mick Jagger surgically attached to his head. He was carrying a guitar - I think he said it was some big name brand like a Gibson. He immediately walked straight up to the stage and demanded to be put on next.

When he was told he had to wait, he got really pissed off. "I can play a thousand songs!" "Pink Floyd, and The Beatles!" "I'm a first-rate musician!"

The killer line was, "You have to leave. You have to leave when I play because I'm so good, no one deserves to hear me play."

I don't know if he was drunk or not, but I hope he was because then he'd at least have an excuse to say something like, "You have to make the hairs on my neck stand up," to which another performing guitarist said, "Man, I don't want to do that. That's weird."

He left too, after a lot of shouting insults and thinly veiled threats. It was a pretty wild night, which was weird for a quiet, empty bar. I guess it's the quality of the individual that counts over the quantity. I don't think I would've made it if it wasn't for the cool beer. I wonder what they put in this stuff anyways?

[Hemp beer?!]

#27. Sushi Blackout

This post should've been on Wednesday. My exam is tomorrow, but instead of studying I'm blogging. I don't know why. Maybe I've just given up on studying. Or maybe I'm possessed by the procrastination devil:

[Sloth is the devil. Or maybe the guy behind him.]

On Wednesday, I went out to a sushi place downtown, which is great because even though I was sick, there's no cure like pounds of raw fish-flesh and salty rice. Actually, that sounds a lot more unappetizing in text than I meant it to be.

And while we were eating, the power went out. All down the street. The world stopped. Cars crashed. Planes fell out of the sky. The righteous were taken up to heaven while sinners remained on earth, reeling in the wake of disaster. My sushi order didn't come.

In reality, all that really happened is the restaurant staff started talking excitedly, like it was some sort of planned surprise for a birthday or something, while the customers looked around in mild confusion, no doubt wondering whether their orders would be delayed. At our table, everyone simultaneously pulled out their cellphones and lit the screens, some even lighting the flash on the tiny camera to create as much ambient light as possible. We strategically placed them on the table under napkins to create mood lighting.

A couple of the waiters came over and spoke Chinese to me. I listened politely and nodded a lot. I didn't know what they were saying. They looked happy though, probably because I didn't pull a knife and demand to know where my meal was at.

Soon, the lights popped back on, and everybody clapped like it was some great magic trick. Then we went back to eating. It was like the staff was trying to make up for the disturbance because the quality of food and service improved drastically afterward. It goes to show that if you want to have an outstanding dinner, cut the power to the restaurant with a pair of insulated pliers.

I thought about doing a proper 'new thing' but the blackout was random and sudden enough that I think it counts for today.

#26. Food Cancer

Tuesday backdated, sorry again. It's harder to manage this blog during exam times than it is to be Poland during WW2. Okay maybe that was inappropriate a little, but from my own experiences, Polish people are nice and won't mind so much, and they make good perogies too.

So Tuesday night, a few friends came over and we lit up the fire pit again. It's nice having a backyard fire once in a while, because it gives me the chance to use the word camaraderie, which is a big and complicated word that basically means 'friendtimes' and I don't get to use it that often because people will think I'm pretentious.

Anyways, I made grilled fries. Lol wut.

Yeah, I got a grill from our actual BBQ set and put the fries on it very carefully. You may ask why we don't just use the regular barbecue to make food but I present this well-rehearsed rebuttal:

[FIRE. And pseudo-nudity!]

It was a difficult job. The slits in the grill and just the right size to fit a fry, so all the deliciously thin potato sticks had to be kept perpendicular to the slots in the grill, lest the fall into the flame and be lost forever in fry-hell. It was even harder flipping them. Individually. Over an open fire while my ski blistered. But it was worth it because fries are awesomely delicious, and grilled fries are magnitudes greater in deliciousity. Magnitudes, man.

I'm telling you, these fries would make Santa switch from toymaking to the fast-food industry. And then everybody would die from obesity.

#25. Jimmy Gringo's

Hey everybody. Sorry for the untimely updates. My girlfriend got me sick by breathing into my mouth while I was sleeping. I wish I had a picture to show you, but that would have taken too much foresight and planning to rig up an automatic camera pointed at my face. Also, creepy.

Just pretend it's Monday. I know, out of all the days you could pretend to relive, why Monday? Monday is like the butthole of the week. Which is sort of unfortunately related to what I did on that day.

I ate a burrito. And a quesadilla. I learned that quesadilla is pronounced que-sah-dee-ah, not quesa-dilla, like it rhymes with Godzilla and destroys small cities, except, just my bowels. Was that too gross? I'm sorry. Here's a picture of a cat:

[Relax, I had a shrimp burrito and a chicken quesadilla.]

It's a new place near my place, called Jimmy Gringo's. I like to think of it as a Mexican 'Subway' restaurant, because they make the meal in front of you and ask what you want in it. There's lettuce and tomato but they also have weird stuff like guacamole. I don't like guacamole because the avocado reminds me of a tumor. A black, wrinkly tumor, like on your back or something.

Now that I think of it, isn't gringo Mexican slang for a foreigner?

#24. Magic the Gathering

If you've been keeping up with this blog, I'm sure you've noticed a number of things about me. One of things is probably the fact that I'm a gargantuan nerd:

[Holy shit, I didn't even know these existed until I just searched for them! New thing #2, and now I want one!]

Ahem. Anyways, I sometimes feel like being a nerd is a bit like having smallpox. You unintentionally spread it to the ones closest to you, infecting them with your utter geekiness until one day they wake up with pocket protectors and glasses and horrible haircuts and pockets full of Crazy Bones and what-have-you.

My girlfriend is a gorgeous lady but unfortunately for her, she's obligated by relationship laws to spend at least 8% of her waking hours with me per week. It's true, it's in the contract.

So today, she attempted to civilize me by accompanying me to a coffee shop. I guess I should say cafe - is that pretentious enough? I had a delicious lasagna. She had eggs and bacon (gotta love a woman who loves bacon).

There were a lot of arts students there (I could tell by the Macbooks). I guess I felt a little threatened, so I pulled out my figurative security blanket: a deck of Magic: The Gathering cards.

[This is hilarious if you're a nerd. Actually, maybe mentally retarded?]

And not only did I sit in a fancy, expensive cafe with a deck of Magic cards out, I proceeded to teach my girlfriend to play Magic. You know what's the only thing hotter than that?

[Yeaaaaaah.]

#23. Manglish

Here is some personal information about me: I have a Malaysian background (go find it on a map). I'm planning to go on vacation there this summer, so I decided to learn a bit more about Malaysian culture - I could've just asked my family members but I don't trust them considering the way I turned out.

One of the most unique things about Malaysia is Manglish. It means Malaysian English, but also, mangled English, because people tend to speak in a way that mean exactly the opposite of how it sounds (sort of like a politician). Some excerpts:

"Why are you so boring?" means "Why are you so bored?"
"I am interesting." means "I am interested."
"Why you so like that?" means "Why do you behave so unpredictably?"

I've been to Malaysia before and I can vouch for the fact that the people do indeed sound exactly like this. Ironically, one of the funnier phrases isn't a contradiction at all:

"My house has many lizards." actually means "My house has many lizards."

[It's like watching Dawson's Creek. With heartless reptiles. Wait, that's not much different.]

That's right. I'll be spending my summer 'vacation' in humid weather over 40 deg C, living in a house infested by ceiling geckos that will poop on my head, and eating food made of lard and skin. And I will enjoy it 100%

#22. Welcome Home

My mom left a few months ago to the tropics on a "My kids have left the house and I am a free woman" vacation. She only just got back on Friday, after about 2 months of relaxation. So it's the first extended period of time I have been separated from my mother and left to fend for myself.

I know this seems like a cop out post, but when you're starving, out of clean laundry, and missing your mommy, it's a pretty big deal when she comes back.

#21. Potion Bottles

If you read yesterday's post, you'll know that a friend and I made mixed drinks to resemble magic potions from the Zelda video games, on account of the fact that we're both enormous nerds, so much so that our combined nerdiness would be enough to fuel our own Star Trek fan convention.

As if we hadn't gone far enough, we decided to make BOTTLES to keep these potions in. Actually, we decided to make the bottles first. If that makes us any less nerdier, then please accept that explanation.

We went out and bought some masking tape and glass etching stuff. And some cool bottles. then we traced the appropriate symbols on the masking tape, cut out the shapes, and stuck it to the glass surface. I knew I learned something in Kindergarten arts and crafts (Re: how to handle a pocketknife and viciously stab the kid sitting next to you when he reaches for your glue).

We put on a few coats, and in the meantime, watched some TV.

[This is my horrible metamorphosis]

After a few hours, we peeled the tape off, and I went over the etching with some gold trim. The finished product, with some Red Potion:

[Trust me when I say it tastes only half as bad as it looks]

They're actually pretty nifty, if nerdy, and they make cool decorations for a room. It doesn't hurt that they're filled with health-restoring (alcoholic) potion either.

#20. Legendary Drinks

Jon and I went out and bought an obscene amount of alcohol:

[This is what $100 bucks of power looks like]

No, we weren't planning a night of debauchery (that just happened naturally).

Ever play The Legend of Zelda? Namely, Windwaker? Well, if you haven't (re: you are not a huge smelly nerd virgin), in the game, the main character Link (yeah, not Zelda, I know it's confusing) carries around 4 bottles. He can carry a number of items in these bottles, like bugs and frog eyeballs and so on.

Fortunately, he carries around more palatable substances. Like potions. No booze - the games are rated Teen, and Teens don't drink alcohol, silly.

Red potions restore health, green potions restore magic. Blue potions are rarer and restore both. And finally, there's gold potion, also known as Elixir Soup, which restores both health and magic, AND doubles your attack power until you get injured. Got that? Good, you're a slightly greater nerd than you were before. You can thank me later.

So keeping that in mind, we browsed the aisles of the liquor store looking for ingredients to make our potions. We thought about using fruit juices and stuff, but... naaaah. Fruit juice, baahaha.

The Red Potion restores health, so we mixed pomegranate liqueur (McGuinness Exotic) with raspberry liqueur (Sourpuss) and vodka (Smirnoff) - a shot of each. We figured fruits were healthy and all that? I don't know. It's sweet and tastes delicious, very fruity with a bite of vodka.

The Green Potion restores your magic meter. Magic is usually associated with mental energy, so we added melon liqueur (McGuinness), Creme de Menthe (McGuinness) and vodka. This one is sweet but also refreshing, as the light taste of the melon mixes with the freshness of the mint. I feel like I'm pitching a product a la Billy Mays, God bless his soul.

The Blue Potion restores both mind and body. We passed through a gas station on the way back and picked up a pack of Red Bull - logo being: revitalizes mind and body. I considered chugging a 4 pack of Red Bull just on principle, but this blog would've been even more unintelligible than it already is. So a shot of Red Bull, a shot of vodka, and a shot of blueberry liqueur (McGuinness Exotic, again - we were too lazy to check the other aisles). Delicious blueberry taste but the Red Bull definitely gives a nose-flaring kick.

And finally, the Elixir Soup. No, there isn't any soup in it. Don't be gross. It has a shot of Red Bull, a shot of vodka, and a shot of Goldschlaager. It's like the Blue, but instead of a sweet blueberry flavour, it has a ridiculous cinnamon shot that goes straight to your head. I'm pretty sure I could punch twice as hard after downing a round of this stuff.

We sat around watching a few episodes of Supernatural afterward, lolling our heads in potion-fueled drunkenness. Jon said he was getting a little tipsy so I socked him on the arm. Hopefully it took away his double attack power.

[Look tasty, don't they?]

#19. Supernatural Season One

I sat in front of a TV watching Supernatural. All of it.

Okay, so my friend downloaded the whole series, up to the end of Season Four, onto his media center, and we've been watching it pretty religiously. But today we managed to finish the whole of Season One. Sitting on the couch all day, I feel like an American. I mean that in a good way.

This is sort of significant in a number of ways. First of all, it's the first live-action show I've watched in order of episodes. Second, it's the first I've watched on demand, so to speak. Also, it's just a great freakin' show.

Tomorrow's activity has got to be something that gets me up and active. My ass hurts.

#18. Guitar Magic

I listen to a lot of music. Sometimnes rock, sometimes jazz. Sometimes Britney Spears.

About a year ago, I went to see my friend's band play at a small cafe/art exhibit downtown (Groovesmith, check them out!). There was another band playing a set, and the entry 'fee' was the purchase of one of their CDs.

Anyways, it was a pretty good album, and I've been listening to it in the car (with the windows up so my singing doesn't terrorize other drivers). There's a particular song on it - A Glass or Two - that I really enjoyed. It's got some strings, piano, guitar, etc. I can only play one of those instruments (the one common to all terrible garage rock bands), but unfortunately the band still isn't popular enoug to warrant a dedicated guitar tab.

So I made one:

Okay, I can't take a picture of it. But if you search the song, you'd probably make sense of this:

E/G#m/E/G#m
A/E
E/G#m/E/G#m
A/E/B
C#/A/G#m
C#/A/G#m
F#m/E/G/E/A

Enjoy... I guess. I'm not sure it's right, because I'm apparently tone deaf and untalented.

#17. Study Session

Short one for now: I went over to my girlfriend's house to study. It's the first time I've gone over for purposes other than making out. And it's also the first time I've completely disregarded studying in order to make out.

#16. Surprise Party

Sorry guys, my computer is in the shop so I haven't gotten the chance to update in a while. I miss my video games. And my pornography. And my class notes. But mainly the porn.

So on Saturday, I went to visit my grandma - but that isn't the new thing. On my way back, I picked up a huge tray of noodles and spring rolls at a Chinese restaurant. But that wasn't new either.

Then I got home, and people started coming over. An hour later I left, to my girlfriend's house, on the pretense of taking her out for dinner. And then we got back to my place...

We noticed a bunch of people running into the backyard while others ran into the house. *facepalm*

Then, a very convoluted series of surprises took place. First, the people in the house surprised her - then she snuck around through the rear door and surprised the people in the back, just as they turned around and surprised her. It was a bigger failure than the plot of Lost but somehow ended up being entertaining as well (unlike Lost).

It was a fun night - not many pictures - but we all had a good time, and there was plenty of food and drink. It was the first surprise party I've thrown, and all things considered, it went pretty well. I might throw another one. Or not.

#15. Car Maintenance

Another day-late post. Yesterday I took my vehicle for maintenance... 2000 kilometres over the number written on the windshield decal.

I just left it there. My baby.

Before you get the wrong idea, I don't drive anything fancy. I drive a Honda Civic. Yes, I am also Asian.

I don't know what they did. Mechanics are a sneaky bunch. But my car didn't explode so... I guess it was okay.

#14. Backyard BBQ

My housemate and I drove down after school to a hardware store and bought a 24x24" sidewalk slab. Then we went to the supermarket and bought a stack of ground beef, mushrooms, and condiments. Then we drove home. Then we drove back because we forgot the buns and charcoal.

We ended up in the backyard, stacking stones up in a circle, gathering wood, and then...

Fire:

[It took three engineers to make this]

A few friends came over and we made burgers, bacon... grilled onions and mushrooms... and even made some horseradish dressing. We now have a working fire pit, so come over and have some real, flame-grilled food. Harvey's ain't got rear end on us.

#13. 5 Second Art

So today I spent a few minutes during my (4 hour) study break sketching some artwork for my room. I used permanent marker on glossy photo paper because I'm too poor to buy fancy art equipment like berets and a pretentious attitude.

Just kidding. I know plenty of artists. Most of them are starving but can still afford the attitude.

#12. Vespers

Uhm, it's my girlfriend's 23rd birthday today. Does that count as a new thing for me? I mean, I have to put up with her.

I also made Vespers with Jon. Ever watch the James Bond movies Casino Royale, or Quantum of Solace? Bond creates a martini called a Vesper - and if you watch Quantum carefully, he actually lists the ingredients. We rewound the DVD a couple of times to make sure we got it right, and even then, I'm not sure at all we did, because -wow - this drink is toxic.

If I recall correctly, it's 1 part gin, 1 part vodka, and 1 part Kina Lillet. Oh wait, there we are (thanks Wikipedia!):

 "A dry martini," [Bond] said. "One. In a deep champagne goblet."

"Oui, monsieur."

"Just a moment. Three measures of Gordon's, one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it very well until it's ice-cold, then add a large thin slice of lemon peel. Got it?"

"Certainly, monsieur." The barman seemed pleased with the idea.

"Gosh, that's certainly a drink," said Leiter.

Bond laughed. "When I'm...er...concentrating," he explained, "I never have more than one drink before dinner. But I do like that one to be large and very strong and very cold and very well-made. I hate small portions of anything, particularly when they taste bad. This drink's my own invention. I'm going to patent it when I can think of a good name."

I can vouch for Bond - this drink is a disaster. I held a mouthful for two seconds and I'm almost positive I could feel the tingle of my tastebuds frying. We've made them before, once, but this time we actually used a proper shaker, so I suppose the experience was slightly more authentic.

#11. League of Legends

It's been a quiet day for me, and the only real thing of note is that I've started playing League of Legends, which is an online video game similar to DotA. For those of you non-gamers out there, it's an interesting multiplayer game where you control a hero with special abilities, and you attack other players in an arena-like map. Yeah, I don't understand it either, which may explain why I keep getting killed every ten seconds.

Idiotically, my exams are coming up, so I'm planning to fail them harder than a teenage girl and a pregnancy test.

#10. American Sign Language

Today, I learned a few phrases in American Sign Language (ASL). It was doubly tough because I'm terrible with languages, and also terrible with my hands (ask my girlfriend). I don't know any deaf people, and if I did, I'm sure they wouldn't want to converse with me anyways. I also have a phobia of being laughed at by the deaf, because they have to spell out their laughing for me. Seriously:

[This is how you say ha ha in ASL. Also, how to crush a man's soul.]

I also learned how to say "I can speak sign language," "I hate you," "I love you," "Where is the bathroom," "I am hungry," "The weather is good," and this:

 [Can. We. Have. Sex]

[...Please?]

#9. Wing Chun Strikes

April 3rd postdated.

Yesterday, not much happened, but I did manage to watch "The Forbidden Kingdom" in mandarin Chinese. It's a pretty cool movie and I totally recommend it, especially if you're into watching a white guy get Mr. Miyagi'd by Jackie Chan and Jet Li (who also fight each other in the film, a scene that required me to get a new pair of pants after it was finished).

It would be pretty lame if my 'new thing' was 'I watched a movie in Chinese', so the real new thing came after the movie, where I went downstairs to my home gym on a martial arts high, and learned a wrist strike (used mainly in Wing Chun) and palm strike. I hurt my hands a bit trying to practice them, until I got the technique right and managed to get a few good hits in on my friend Mr. Punchingbag.

#8. Caribbean Dinner

Yesterday (April 2nd) my wonderful girlfriend invited me to Easter Dinner with her delightful family, so she could show me off like some freak in a circus. I love that gorgeous woman to death, but I'm convinced she just keeps me around for amusement, like a pet monkey. Or, you know, the awesome sex:

[Like this]

It was totally worth the familial embarrassment though (at least for me). I was treated to an awesome, full-deck dinner. There were plenty of foods I've never tried before, at least consciously, because I also suspect the woman has been feeding me in my sleep. It's the only explanation as to why I'm so darn fat. And why I wake up with a mouthful of broccoli.

Anyways, there were so many foods that I know I'm forgetting a few, but here's a short list: some cornmeal cake thing, cassava, plantains, taro, ginger crab, breaded shark, some green sauce made from taro leaves I think, soylent green is people, rice, and other delicacies you'd usually only see on TV, with big name stars like Rachael Ray or Gordon Ramsey. I actually stopped talking for a full half hour while inhaling all the food - a rare feat, since my mouth is usually as active as Lance Armstrong on the Tour de France. I'm pretty sure that for a moment, I briefly lost my mind, because when I came to, my mouth was stuffed with bread and I am almost positive there was no bread at the table.

Dessert was doubly ridiculous. I'm starting to feel like Hansel since my girlfriend is force-feeding me snacks to plump me up. I don't know what her motives are, but I twitch every time she turns on the oven. I know she loves me, but whether she loves me for my charming personality, or whether or not I'd make a delightful roast, remains to be seen.

#7. Hypnotherapy

Sorry guys, another late update. This should be dated April 1st, but I ran into a horrible prank gone awry and ended up trapped in a time vortex for a few days. No, actually, my phone battery died, and I left my laptop at school, so I'm using my sister's laptop to run a few updates, but her settings are all silly.

A little background: I have an Android smartphone, which, while advertising me as a total nerd, also allows me to do really awesome things like browse the web, update my blog, and make calls. One of the best things about it is that I can download free apps from the Android Market. These are like miniature programs for my phone, and like miniature sausages, are even better than the full-sized ones. I was searching online for 'Best Apps' when I came across this 'Brain Therapy' program which promised to 'promote positive brain waves'. Short of giving me free candy or sex, this was the best app I'd come across, and I was curious, so I downloaded it. FOR FREE.

It claimed to use sound therapy to alter brainwave states. I'll admit I was skeptical, but I plugged my earphones in, turned it on, and -whoa. You ever get the feeling there's a tennis ball rattling around in your head? That's probably a sign of brain cancer. The slightly modulated waves of sound feel like you're at a really intense concert with a band that plays only in low bass tones (like every 'new age alternative' band that thinks they're edgy and hip because they have a cellist).

Surprisingly enough, I knocked out after 5 minutes of the pulsating white noise, which is pretty cool. There were other settings too - meditation, study therapy, murder all your friends, relaxation - and even more with the 'paid' version. I'm slightly suspicious that there's subliminal messaging within their 'therapeutic' signals. But I'm sure it's not kill everybody much of a problem.

#6. Book Signing

Yesterday, while we were sitting around watching TV, my friend Jon interrupted.

"Hey, Robert J. Sawyer is coming to our school tomorrow!"

Robert J. Sawyer is one of the most prolific Canadian Sci-Fi authors of our generation. He's also one of my favourite writers. I was a little excited, which is probably why I nearly spilled an entire can of pop on the floor (that word was very nearly 'poop').

Anyways, we went to see him today. He gave a really interesting lecture about the nature of technology and his vision of the future, and then read an excerpt from his latest book. The best part came at the end, where I purchased and got him to sign three books.

"Howdy, who do I make these out to?" he said with a big smile.

"Justin," I replied. Jon and I asked him a couple of questions and made a few fanboy comments, "I love your work" and so on. Then he looked up with a frown on his face.

"Oh darn. I made this one out to Jon." He lifted the book so I could see Jon's name where mine should have been.

"Wait -" he exclaimed. He scribbled something, and then lifted the book again. It read, "For Jonathan's good friend, Justin."

"Nice save," I commented, laughing, "But in ten years, I'll be like, 'who the hell is this Jon guy?'"

Anyways, he was a really awesome guy, and I'm a huge fan, so it was an entirely enjoyable and interesting experience. Plus, I've never had a book signed by the author before, so that's my new thing for the day. Stay tuned!